How IFS Therapy Helps You Build Real Empathy and Deeper Connection (Without Losing Yourself)

Inspired by Freaky Friday’s big switch-up, here’s how getting curious about other people’s inner worlds can transform your relationships.

What if you could see through someone else’s eyes—without needing to “fix” or lose yourself?

The new Freakier Friday sequel has everyone talking about what it would be like to literally switch bodies and live someone else’s life. But while body-swapping may be fiction, learning to understand and relate to someone else’s internal experience is exactly what Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps us do—both with ourselves and in our relationships.

IFS invites us to pause, slow down, and ask:

• What part of me is reacting right now?

• What part of them might be activated in this heated moment?

• Can I respond from Self—curious, compassionate, calm—instead of reacting from a protective part?

When we start to notice the parts of us that feel hurt, defensive, abandoned, or controlling, we can choose to stop running on autopilot (because that autopilot is another part as well). We make space for empathy and curiosity. And that’s where true connection can begin.

IFS Therapy: A New Way to Understand Yourself (and Others)

Internal Family Systems (IFS), created by Dr. Richard Schwartz, is based on the idea that we all have “parts” that have their own experience inside us—like the anxious part, the inner critic, the people-pleaser, the angry protector, or the shutdown avoider. These parts have often taken on roles to help us survive or cope in our past even if it doesn’t feel like they are helping now.

At the core of IFS is the belief that we each have a wise, compassionate, and non-judgemental Self—a grounded presence that can relate to our parts with curiosity and care. And from that place, we can also relate to others differently.

Instead of saying:

• “They’re so dramatic.” (protective part)

• “Why do they always do this?” (protective part)

• “I have to defend myself or I’ll get hurt.” (protective part)

We begin to ask:

• “What part of them might be activated right now?” (Self)

• “What part of me feels threatened?” (Self)

• “Can I respond from Self—even if I still need to set a boundary?” (Self)

This is not about excusing harm or abuse. It’s about understanding behavior so we can choose how to respond from an empowered place instead of reacting from old protective patterns out of fear.

Empathy ≠ Weakness: You Can Be Compassionate and Have Boundaries

Let’s be clear: having compassion isn’t giving permission for abuse. IFS doesn’t ask you to tolerate bullying, manipulation, or emotional harm. In fact, as you build more Self-leadership through IFS work, you often become more boundaried and confident—because your protector parts don’t have to be in survival mode.

Empathy is about presence, not passivity.

When you can understand what part of someone might be acting out (and what your parts are reacting to), you can step out of the cycle of triggering each other—and either repair, respond with clarity, or walk away, grounded in fierce self-respect.

IFS Can Help You:

• Recognize when you’re being triggered by an old wound

• Separate from the inner voice of your critic or protector

• Relate to your partner, family member, colleague, or friend with more curiosity

• Stay true to yourself and your body during hard conversations

• Speak up without needing to lash out or shut down

• Build emotional safety in relationships—starting with your own operating system

What Could Shift If You Got Curious Instead of Reactive?

Imagine walking into a conversation with your partner, sibling, or parent and instead of your usual script—expectations, defensiveness, withdrawal, blame, or caretaking—you could pause and ask, “What part of me just got activated? What does it need first so I connect with them?”

And then… instead of escalating or shutting down, you respond from your Self: Calm. Compassionate. Clear. With boundaries and empathy. You may even inspire the people and the environments around you to become curious and relate to themselves and others in a grounded way…leading to more curiosity and connection vs othering and separation. This is a powerful tool that can be used within larger groups, teams, corporations, and even nations. First, it can start with you.

Ready to Try It for Yourself?

If you’re curious about how IFS therapy can help you:

• Feel more connected in your relationships

• Break out of reactive patterns

• Build real empathy (without losing yourself)

• Or stop spiraling into old roles when you're around family...

Then therapy might be the next step. I help high-achieving, emotionally sensitive women learn to respond instead of react—so they can feel more present, empowered, and connected in their lives and relationships.

➡️ Work with me

Final Thought: Empathy Starts with You

Before you can truly connect with someone else, you have to be able to sit with yourself and be with your own experience. IFS gives you the map and the tools to do just that—so you can stop running on autopilot and start showing up from your true Self.

While you may never switch bodies with your partner or your mom (Freakier Friday style), you can learn to see them more clearly—and respond with presence, not protection.

📍 I offer anxiety, trauma & relationship therapy in West Los Angeles and online throughout California.
💛 You don’t have to carry it all alone anymore. Book a free 20-minute consultation here.

• Chloe Bean is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing West LA, California. She integrates Somatic Experiencing, IFS Therapy, and EMDR with traditional therapeutic approaches to support comprehensive healing from trauma, anxiety, burnout, body image issues, disordered eating, perfectionism, breakups, and toxic relationships.