Why High-Achieving Women Struggle with Anxiety (and How Therapy Helps)
“You Look Fine. So Why Do You Feel Like You’re Falling Apart?”
If you’re a high-achieving woman who gets things done, holds it all together for everyone else, and somehow still feels like it’s never enough—you’re not defective. You’re human. And honestly? You’re probably exhausted.
You might have a successful career, a full life, have been to therapy or have a self-help bookshelf—but deep down, you still feel anxious, overwhelmed, or constantly on edge.
And if you’ve ever been told things like:
“You’re just overthinking.”
“You worry too much.”
“You’re so sensitive and dramatic…”
…it can make you wonder, what’s wrong with me?
Nothing’s wrong with you. You’ve just been living in survival mode for a long time—and you’ve gotten really good at it.
Why High-Achieving Women Carry So Much Anxiety
Many high-functioning, perfectionistic women carry a deep internal pressure to perform, please, or prove themselves.
It might look like:
Being the “responsible one” in your family or workplace, taking on extra work and helping when no one else does
Over-preparing, over-functioning, overthinking—just so you can finally relax—but you can’t
Feeling guilty when you slow down, even when you’re burnt out
Questioning yourself constantly, even though everyone else sees you as competent
Anxiety often hides behind achievement. From the outside, it looks like success. Inside, it feels like tightness in your chest, spiraling thoughts at 2 a.m., or an invisible weight you carry around every day.
This kind of anxiety is rarely “just anxiety.” It’s often rooted in trauma, attachment wounds, chronic stress, or a lifetime of feeling like you had to be “on” in order to be okay.
What’s Beneath the Surface?
Many high-achieving women grew up in environments where being good, helpful, or high-performing was the safest option.
You may have learned to:
Shrink your needs
Be the peacekeeper
Ignore your own discomfort
Avoid disappointing others at all costs
Over time, your nervous system internalizes this as the norm. Hypervigilance, people-pleasing, or perfectionism aren’t character flaws—they’re protective strategies.
That’s why anxiety doesn’t go away just by thinking differently. It is a protective part (in IFS Therapy terms) letting you know you need support and attention. Your body is still operating as if it’s in danger. And until you feel safe on a nervous-system level, anxiety tends to stick around, trying to do its job!
How Somatic, Trauma-Informed Therapy Can Actually Help
This isn’t about managing your anxiety with more to-do lists or trying to mindset your way out of stress.
You’ve probably tried that already.
Instead, healing begins by working with your body and the many parts of you, not against them. When you start to understand how your anxiety is showing up in your nervous system, things begin to shift.
In my work as a Somatic trauma therapist, I integrate:
Somatic Therapy (Somatic Experiencing) to help you regulate and ground your body in the here and now
IFS (Parts Work) to connect with the protective parts of you (like the anxiety, inner critic, or overachiever) with compassion, not shame
EMDR to reprocess old beliefs, memories, and patterns that fuel anxiety and keep you stuck in overdrive
This kind of therapy isn’t just about talking—it’s about relearning what safety feels like in your body, so you can live your life fully from a place of grounded presence instead of hypervigilance.
What Healing Might Actually Feel Like
Therapy won’t turn you into a totally different person.
It helps you feel more like yourself—without the constant tension and pressure.
You might notice:
Your brain feels less noisy
You can say “no” without spiraling
You start saying “yes” with more clarity
You start sleeping better, breathing deeper
You stop second-guessing yourself all the time
You’re able to rest without guilt
You reconnect with what actually brings you joy—not just what makes you “productive”
You start trusting yourself again. And that changes everything.
You’re Not Too Much. You’re Carrying Too Much.
You don’t have to prove your pain to be worthy of support.
Therapy gives you the space to lay it all down—the expectations, the self-doubt, the constant worrying, the emotional labor—and finally exhale.
📍 I offer anxiety and trauma therapy in West Los Angeles and online throughout California.
💛 You don’t have to carry it all alone anymore. Book a free 15-minute consultation here.
Chloe Bean is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing West LA, California. She integrates somatic experiencing, IFS Therapy, and EMDR with traditional therapeutic approaches to support comprehensive healing from trauma, anxiety, body image issues, perfectionism, and relationship challenges.