How IFS Therapy Builds Real Empathy and Deeper Connection Without Losing Yourself
Chloë Bean, LMFT is a licensed somatic trauma therapist based in Los Angeles, specializing in anxiety, burnout, trauma, and nervous system healing for high-achieving women. Her work integrates somatic therapy, EMDR, and IFS to support lasting regulation, resilience, and relational healing.
What if you could see through someone else’s eyes—without losing yourself?
The new Freakier Friday sequel has everyone imagining what it would be like to swap bodies and live another life.
While body-swapping is fiction, learning to understand and relate to another person’s inner experience is exactly what Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps us do—both with ourselves and in our relationships.
IFS invites us to pause, slow down, and ask:
What part of me is reacting right now?
What part of them might be activated in this moment?
Can I respond from Self—curious, compassionate, calm—instead of reacting from protection?
When we notice the parts of us that feel hurt, defensive, or controlling, we stop running on autopilot (because even autopilot is a part).
That awareness creates room for empathy, curiosity, and genuine connection.
IFS Therapy: A New Way to Understand Yourself —and Others
Internal Family Systems (IFS), created by Dr. Richard Schwartz — founder bio here — teaches that we all have inner “parts” with distinct roles: the anxious part, the inner critic, the people-pleaser, the angry protector, the avoider.
Each developed to help us survive or cope, even if those strategies no longer serve us.
At the heart of IFS is the understanding that we all have a wise, compassionate, grounded core Self — a presence that can hold every part of us with curiosity and care.
From this place, we begin to see there are truly no bad parts within us.
Empathy Is Not Weakness: How IFS Therapy Supports Compassion With Clear Boundaries
Having compassion doesn’t mean tolerating abuse.
IFS isn’t about excusing harm—it’s about understanding behavior so you can respond from empowerment rather than old survival patterns. As you build Self-leadership, your protector parts can relax, allowing clearer boundaries and confidence.
Empathy is presence, not passivity.
When you can sense what part of someone is acting out—and what part of you is reacting—you step out of mutual reactivity.
That awareness lets you repair, respond with clarity, or walk away grounded in self-respect.
IFS Can Help You:
Recognize when you’re triggered by an old wound
Separate from your inner critic or caretaker part
Communicate with curiosity instead of defensiveness
Stay connected to your body during hard conversations
Speak up without shutting down
Build emotional safety in relationships—from the inside out
Curiosity Over Reactivity: What Could Shift?
Imagine walking into a tough conversation with your partner, sibling, or parent and—rather than replaying the old script of defensiveness, withdrawal, or blame—you pause and ask:
What part of me just got activated? What does it need so I can stay connected?
From there, you respond from Self: calm, compassionate, and clear. That presence often invites others into the same energy, creating curiosity instead of conflict. This ripple effect can transform couples, teams, families—even communities.
Ready to Experience IFS for Yourself?
If you’re ready to:
Feel more connected in your relationships
Break old reactive cycles
Build empathy without losing yourself
IFS therapy might be your next step. I help high-achieving, emotionally sensitive women (and men) respond instead of react—so they can feel grounded, confident, and authentic in relationships and everyday life.
Final Thought: Empathy Starts Within
Before we can truly connect with others, we have to be with ourselves. IFS provides the map for that journey—helping you meet your parts with compassion, so you can lead your life from Self. While you may never switch bodies Freaky Friday-style, you can learn to see others more clearly—and respond from presence, not protection.
FAQ: IFS Therapy and Somatic Healing in Relationships
Do I have to talk about every memory for IFS therapy to work?
No. IFS therapy does not require retelling your entire life story. Instead, it focuses on what is showing up inside you in the present moment. By working with thoughts, emotions, and body sensations as they arise, IFS allows healing to happen without forcing you to relive or verbally process every past experience.
How is IFS therapy different from traditional talk therapy?
Traditional talk therapy often centers on analyzing problems or changing thoughts. IFS therapy takes a different approach by helping you build a relationship with the inner parts of you that carry pain, fear, or protective patterns. This creates internal trust and clarity, which naturally leads to healthier responses in relationships.
Can IFS therapy help with anxiety or trauma?
Yes. IFS is especially effective for anxiety and trauma because it works gently with the nervous system rather than pushing for insight alone. When combined with somatic approaches like Somatic Experiencing®, IFS helps calm chronic stress responses and brings compassion to the parts of you that feel overwhelmed, reactive, or unsafe.
How does IFS therapy support empathy without losing boundaries?
IFS helps you understand which parts of you are empathic and which parts may overgive or self-abandon to maintain connection. By strengthening your core sense of Self, IFS allows empathy to come from grounded presence rather than obligation, guilt, or fear of conflict. This makes boundaries feel safer and more natural over time.
Is IFS therapy only for individual therapy, or can it help relationships?
IFS therapy is effective for individuals, couples, and relational dynamics. The principles of IFS can be applied in romantic relationships, family systems, and even workplace settings to reduce reactivity, improve communication, and foster mutual understanding. As internal relationships heal, external relationships often shift as well.